10 March 2010

Student Not From Chicago Area Experiences Discrimination

In an incident that has become far too common, a Freshman resident of St. Edward's Hall was verbally and psychologically abused by a group of student for not being "from around Chicago."

The victim is from Cleveland.

"It was pretty awful," said Drew Barty, a witness, "making fun of his parents, his clothes. Although, they were struggling to come up with a catchy name to call him. Non-Chicagoan? Doesn't really work."

It only got worse from there. Proclamations of Chicago as the greatest city in the world and "Go Cubs Go" chants threatened to rise to physical violence until an unidentified good Samaritan asked the offenders to recall the regular season record of last year's Chicago Cubs baseball team. No one could, and the group dispersed.

Many have speculated that the rise of such incidents are rooted in the lack of actual minorities in attendance at Notre Dame.

"I mean, who else are we gonna mess with? As long as it ain't me, I'm cool with it. Go Cubbies!" said an anonymous source.

Because of such behavior, many are now dubiously claiming to be from Chicago. One South Bend native was overheard to be saying she was from Chicago in a class's requisite introduction session.

Still, the discrimination worsens as "out" non-Chicago natives become more of a minority.

"It's truly a shame," said Eugene Stupinsky, an English professor based out of Chicago, "Chicago's a great city, and they're just giving it a bad name. I just wish those assholes were from, like, Boston or somewhere."

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