In news that has shocked the administration, the campus newspaper The Observer, and the students themselves, a recent survey conducted by THE DOMER has revealed that a majority of students at the University of Notre Dame consume alcoholic beverages.
"We knew it!" a contributor to the comic strip The Mobile Party told The Domer. "We were so pumped that it was actually true or our comic strips wouldn't make sense. Domers drink! It's hilarious! It's basically the crux of our humor."
Indeed, the writers of The Mobile Party were not the only ones who had sneaking suspicions.
"My friends would always sneak off to go 'off-campus'," said Michelle Bear, a Sophomore. "They said they were just playing Scrabble, but I know they hate Scrabble as much as I do."
And the prevalence of alcohol consumption may not be limited to students at Notre Dame. At the time this story went to print, THE DOMER is still conducting an investigation into the presumed alcohol consumption of college students in general, though conclusive evidence confirming or denying this has not been found.
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