Fervent Pro-Obama Student Falls Asleep During Speech

It was a day he would never forget. The President of the United States was speaking at his college graduation. But not just any president, President Obama, the first African-American president, one of the great public speakers of our time. Unfortunately, Notre Dame alumnus Anthony Wilkins could not avoid falling asleep during President Obama's speech

"I've spent every waking hour writing letters in support, counter-protesting, arguing against people who wanted to ruin MY graduation, etc. that I was just dead tired by the time commencement rolled around," said Mr. Wilkins. "The last thing I heard was the Bookstore Basketball quip, and then I was out like a light until they called my name."

Obama's speech was, as usual, a memorable and well-reasoned one, honoring Notre Dame's President Emeritus Father Ted Hesburgh, promoting "fair-minded words" in the abortion debate, and supporting the University's stature as a leading moral, educational, and ethical institution in the world.

Said Mr. Wilkins, "Fucking sucks that I missed it."