Student Decides to Attend University

After taking an unscheduled week of classes off, Keith Straka, a resident of Alumni Hall, has decided to attend the University once again.

"Well, I didn't go to class for a week, but I woke up Monday and decided that I would try the going to college thing once again," said Keith when questioned about his decision.

Keith spent the week off catching up on his Netflix backlog, watching tv, and sleeping. "There were a few days in there where I didn't leave my room," said Keith. "It felt empowering to make that kind of decision."

His roommate, Steven Henry, was less supportive of his decision. "I appreciate what he did," he said, "but I'm glad he's finally fucking leaving the room. It's my turn to sit around bare-assed all day watching Dirty Sexy Money."